Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
