sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
