evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
