i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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