In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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