So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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