why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
