Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
