went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
