everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry about my life...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize