she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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