I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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