Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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