The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
