As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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