In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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