You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
