i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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