hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
