can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
