she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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