I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
