She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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