youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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