The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
