If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ruined the universe
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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