uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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