I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
