I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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