I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
