Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
