I should be sponsored by Trojan
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
