Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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