Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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