you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
