Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
