i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
