and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
