New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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