i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
