I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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