U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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