awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"