is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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