Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
