toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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