the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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