dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
