After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
