That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
