The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
