they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
