i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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