dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
