your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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