you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Still dying that you shit outside
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
