so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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