But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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