Do you still have your period?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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